The Strength To Let Go

Posted on June 11, 2012 by russtowne

“Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.”
– Herman Hess

A friend shared the above quote on FB, and it triggered thoughts of times when I hung onto painful memories or situations more out of stubborness or habit than out of any positive reason to keep them:

Some that immediately came to mind were romantic relationship break-ups from before my marriage, a business I’d owned for 18 years and should have sold or closed years sooner than I did, and attempting to stay friends with those who had other plans or with whom I was in a toxic or detrimental relationship.

Since there were times in my life were I felt lonely and abandoned, I sometimes tended to hang on to relationships too long. I didn’t want anyone to feel what I’d felt in those dark years. But in those situations I often wasn’t helping the other person and was hurting myself. In some cases I even became an enabler that inadvertantly supported behavior that was hurting them as I thought I was helping.

I don’t want to give up an anybody. But, sadly, there are situations where it is simply best to move on. It helps to remind myself that there are three parts to a relationship: The other person, me, and the relationship itself.

When I focus on improving the relationship and myself, rather than the other person, I often find that the relationship improves, I am becoming ever closer to the other person, and my words, actions, and vision of the best me I can be are in alignment. And I know that brings lasting happiness to me.

Unofortunately, there are times when the relationship isn’t improving or is even becoming detrimental to the other person and/or me. When that happens and when looked at from this viewpoint, it is usually simple to see that the relationship or situation should be ended.

Please note that I said “simple” rather than “easy”. I’ve found it is often far from easy for me to end a relationship.

But I’ve learned that if I focus on the desire for long-term happiness of everyone in the relationship, then I’m much less likely to waste time and emotional energy blaming others or myself when a relationship ends.

And that helps me to find the strength to let go and move on.

Posted in Forgiveness, Friendship, Growth/Learning, Healing, LIfe Lessons, Observations, Quotes I Love, Relationship Lessons Learned | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

A Gift To Myself

Posted on June 11, 2012 by russtowne

A quote I just read at Genie Speaks at http://geniespeaks.wordpress.com/ that was attributed to Oprah got me to thinking, and then to writing.

The quote was: “True forgiveness is when you can say, “Thank you for that experience.””

That statement rings true for me. Many of the attributes in myself that I’m most proud of (such as being strong, empathetic and kind) are largely the direct result of the people and experiences who I’d felt had “hurt” me, the feelings I had as a result, and the personal and spiritual work and growth to which all of that lead me.

When that realization struck me, feelings of hurt and anger were largely and sometimes entirely replaced by appreciation and forgiveness. I found it easy to forgive when I realized the people I was forgiving had helped me to become a better person.

It became easier still to forgive when I realized that forgiving someone was a gift I was giving to myself.

Posted in Forgiveness, Gratitude, Growth/Learning, Healing, LIfe Lessons, Observations, Quotes I Love | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Paradise

Posted on June 10, 2012 by russtowne

My beloved wife and I spent today in paradise. We walked in an ancient redwood forest along a large creek with clear flowing water, small waterfalls, and deep pools. All around us towered my favorite tree as we walked among large ferns. Redwood sorrel that looked like giant clover leafs carpeted the ground.

My Beloved, a Special Ed teacher for a mixed Kindergarten/First Grade class, had just completed an exhausting school year yesterday and badly needed a nap, so we stopped for a while in a secluded glen.

I sat on a fallen tree near the creek and Beloved sat on the soft forest carpet leaning against me with her head resting on my chest.

The water tinkled with a soothing music that is sweeter than any wind chimes, and in no time she was asleep.

A warm but refreshing breeze gently caressed our skin as it enticed the trees to sway to the tune of the water and the wind. It looked to me as though the wind and trees were ancient dance partners swaying to a primal song, ever changing yet ever the same.

The sun and shadows were not to be outdone as they danced among the trees and plants, and on the forest floor. I thought their dance seemed a bit hurried, perhaps because they knew that when darkness fell at the end of the day their fun would end until morning, but the wind and trees could continue dancing and playing all night. I wondered if the sun and shadows cursed the unfairness of it all.

Our secret glen was full of spirit and magic and majesty.

As I sat in reverence to the awesome beauty all around, my senses came alive with the sounds of the wind and water, the rough feel of the fallen tree and the softness of the wind, and the smells of the forest that are so unique and pure and earthy.

Watching the water do its own dance among the steadface stones in the creek brought me back to the many times as a child my friends and siblings would race leaves or twigs on the surface of creeks. Or just sit and watch in curiosity and amazement as water skeeters raced along in calmer sections of the stream.

For awhile, I was a child again.

As I sat there in reverie, my back, behind, arms, and legs began to ache as I tried not to move to avoid waking my Beloved–my body reminding me that while my mind can be any age, my body sometimmes has other needs and ideas.

But an even stronger feeling came to me as I sat in silence letting the the soothing rhythms of nature refresh my spirit in that glorious masterpiece of nature, with the woman of my life in my arms:

This wasn’t merely paradise.

This was home.

Posted in Abundance, Family "Fun", Healing, Inspiring, Nature, True Stories I've Written | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Clueless

Posted on June 9, 2012 by russtowne

I think that most people who know me probably think that I’m a reasonably intelligent man. My beloved wife knows better. Case in point:

Beloved and I got married when we were in our early 20’s, and right after our wedding ceremony we received a copy of what I thought was just a cute little souvenir certificate (mistake #1) of the wedding signed by the person officiating the ceremony and our two witnesses.

In my haste to begin our honeymoon I inadvertantly laid heavy luggage on top of the marriage certificate (mistake #2).

As we began unpacking at our destination, Beloved noticed the wrinkled and slightly torn marriage certificate and handed it to me. I should have taken closer notice as to the look on her face (mistake #3) and if I had, and if I’d had a functioning brain cell in my head I might have found a way to salvage the situation.

But that was not to be my fate–the lack of brains and the lack of salvaging the situation. In fact I made the situation far worse.

I know that you are probably wondering as to how anyone could be that stupid, and even if someone was that stupid, how could they make it any worse, but trust me, if a problem can be made worse I’m usually the one to find a way to do it.

As Beloved handed the mangled document to me I figured it was too far gone to be saved (mistake #4) and that we could just buy another one from the state that would have equal sentimental value to my Beloved (mistake #5), so in front of her I began to finish ripping it the rest of the way in two (Mistake # 6, 7, 8, to infinity).

As I was mid-rip, she screamed: “STOP!!! What are you doing to our marriage certificate!?!?”

That’s not quite how either of us had dreamed our honeymoon would start.

If she had killed me right then, I doubt if a jury would have convicted her.

And to her credit she didn’t end the marriage right then and there. Or maybe she it just proves she isn’t quite as bright as people think she is either!

Whatever the reason, I’m eternally grateful that she has hung in their with me for all these 33 years. It hasn’t always been easy, but it has rarely been boring!

And yes, we still have that original mangled 33-year old marriage certificate with a tear half way down it. It has gone trough some tough times with us, but like our marriage, has always found the strength to stay together no matter what.

Posted in Family "Fun", Forgiveness, Growth/Learning, Humor, LIfe Lessons, True Stories I've Written | Tagged , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Water Fight!

Posted on June 9, 2012 by russtowne

I’m an investment manager and advisor and a big part of my job is to figure what might go wrong and attempt to avoid the worst things as much as possible. That mind-set bleeds over into my family life. I’m the one that double-checks the locks on the door, makes sure we have plenty of gas in the car and that it is maintained, knows where all the emergency exists are when I enter a room, etc. My beloved wife often kids me about it. And she is right in many ways.

For example, spontaneity. Some of my favorite moments in life have occurred on a whim, including water fights between Beloved and me. In the bathroom. They would often start innocently enough such as when I’m in the shower and she turns on hot water full blast in the bathroom sink, dropping the temperature of the water that’s pouring on my shampoo-filled head to several degrees below freezing.

(OK, I know that the water wasn’t frozen yet so was probably slightly above freezing, but it FELT like it was below freezing! And maybe she hadn’t turned the hot water on quite full blast, but to this day I contend that was only so she could claim to be innocent while to me it looked like pretty damning evidence of premeditated malice.)

I let out an indignant bellow that could probably be heard by neighbors several blocks away, as shampoo was getting into my eyes and mouth.

And do I hear an apology from Beloved? NOOOOO. Just a little giggle. Then another one, slightly louder (and to my wate-clogged ears sounding a bit more taunting.)

Well, two can play at that game, so I raised the shower head over the top of the shower wall and aim the spray right at her, drenching her clothes, hair, and everything else. Now it was her turn to shriek indignantly! And how she shrieked! You’d think I was killing her! I was afraid the neighbors would hear and think something nefarious was going on in our house, but I shouldn’t have worried because by now they knew that some type of craziness was always going on in our house.

Being the mature woman and mother that she was, and knowing that our three impressionable young children were no doubt by now clustered on the other side of the bathroom door wondering if their parents had gone insane, she naturally and sensibly called a truce, right?

Yeah, right. She waited until I went back to rinsing the shampoo off my head, and out of my eyes and mouth, then grabbed a large glass–it must have held at least 2 or 3 gallons (well that’s my side of the story and I’m sticking to it)–filled it with ice-cold water, opened the shower door, and splashed it all over me.

Then the water fight began in earnest with howls of laughter, and water drenching everything from the ceiling, drapes towels, wallpaper, counter tops (I think they are called “benches” for our Aussie friends) and fixtures, to the floor.

When we had both were half-drowned and had had enough, we negotiated a truce, which takes no small amount of mutual trust in such situations as we stared each other down–me with an itchy trigger finger on the shower head, and my steely eyed foe holding two full water-glass primed for throwing.

We were both dripping from head to toe, and panting through aching jaws ached from laughing so hard.

We surveyed the damage we’d inflicted on our poor innocent bathroom, gave each other a knowing look, grabbed a bunch of dry towels from the closet, and began cleaning up the mess.

Such craziness is a large part of what brings the joy to us in our JOYoUS life.

Posted in Family "Fun", Humor, True Stories I've Written | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Posted on June 8, 2012 by russtowne

Here I go again finding a wonderful post from The Jolyn Project and wanting to share it with readers of this blog too. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. (Note to Joyln: Please let me know if I’m sharing your wonderful posts too often as I do not with to overstay my welcome!.
Note to The many followers of The Jolyn Project: I apologize for the repitition!

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

“I Wouldn’t Have Missed A Minute”

Posted on June 8, 2012 by russtowne

I saw the following at http://www.mikeysfunnies.com. It touched me and I believe it will touch you too. It is about a special woman who lost a wonderful dog who had helped her learn to walk and live again.

Russ

HEALING A WOUNDED HEART
By Saralee Perel

See a photo of Saralee and Gracie:
http://www.mikeysfunnies.com/archive/20120608/

I’m finally beginning to recover from the loss of our dog, Gracie. She died in October. A veterinarian said, “Remember the good times and she’ll always be with you.”

Well, that’s easier said than done. All I’ve thought about was her ending … until now.

Ever since my spinal cord injury, Gracie became my guardian. She would have given up her life for me by blocking cars I hadn’t seen or bikers or aggressive dogs. Because of her help, I defied medical opinions and learned to walk again, making it to 10 miles. She truly was my saving Grace.

During her last months, she’d get confused wandering in our backyard. She wasn’t afraid because I’d be by her side – the same way she had been by mine. The feel of my hand on her golden forehead always grounded her in safety and love.

One Sunday evening, her body went into a complete paralysis. A loving veterinarian named Gayle came to our home.

Knowing how upset Gracie would get when I’d cry, I would not let her spend her final minutes worrying about me. It was a far greater accomplishment to not cry than it was to have walked 10 miles.

As Gayle administered the medications that would end her mortal life, I was on the floor in front of Gracie’s beautiful face so that my face would be the last thing she’d see.

The last thing she heard was my voice, quietly singing a final version of our song.

“Amazing Grace, how sweet you’ve been. You saved and strengthened me. I once was lost, but now I’m found. And you are safe right here … with me.”

For one more time, the feel of my hand on her golden forehead grounded her in safety and love.

That night a friend said, “Gracie helped you to end your paralysis. Today you have done what you needed to do to help her end hers.”

I’ve wondered, “Was having her worth the anguish of losing her?”
After my pal, John, lost his dog, I asked, “Are you still glad you had Clancy?”

He said, even through tears, “I wouldn’t have missed a minute.”

So, how do I come to terms with losing Gracie? Hearing those words from John and others helps me. It also helps to realize that my sadness is so deep because it is in direct proportion to the depth of my love for her.

A pain-free loveless existence would feel flat. What is a life without love?

As a dear friend wrote, “I know that the moment Gracie died was one of great love and hurt and conflict for you. She shared your pain and you shared hers as she grew older and less able, but no less willing, to help you. Her pain is gone, but like a song in the room, her love and yours will linger on forever.”

Amen.

————

Saralee Perel’s new book is “Cracked Nuts & Sentimental Journeys: Stories From a Life Out of Balance.” Her award-winning columns include stories, along with photos, about family trees filled with nuts, three life-changing words, positive thinking, gratitude and finding joy. Please see her website to find out more: http://www.saraleeperel.com/ Saralee can be reached at sperel@saraleeperel.com

From a Mikey’s Funnies reader: “I have fallen in love with your heart. You affect more lives than you can imagine.” ~ Bob Wilson, Terre Haute, IN

Copyright 2012 Saralee Perel. Permission is granted to send this to others, with attribution, but not for commercial purposes.

today’sTHOT============================

A friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg even though you might be slightly cracked.

Posted in Courage, Dogs & Other Wonderful Creatures, Friendship, Generosity, Gratitude, Healing, Inspiring, Vids & Stories That Touched Me | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

A Simple Act

Posted on June 7, 2012 by russtowne

When I was in my late teens I thought I was having a heart attack but it proved to be a collapsed lung instead. The doctors said the lung might heal itself. It didn’t.

It was like a balloon with a slow leak. The air–my AIR–would leave the lung and get stuck between the outside of my lung and the inside of my chest cavity. It hurt.

I was scared. It got to the point after multiple collapses that I couldn’t walk across a level parking lot without stopping to gasp for air.

Then, the unthinkable happened. My other lung started going bad. I knew that if they both deflated at the same time I would die, even if I was in the hospital on an operating room table.

It was also about then that my fiance’ at the time–not the woman that later became my wife–decided that she loved another man more than me and broke off our engagement.

And my oldest and closest friend moved to Iowa.

I was lonely, heart-broken, lung-broken, in pain, with an unknown future, facing (if I lived long enough) two dangerous and very painful surgeries. I didn’t care if I lived or died, and I was leaning in the direction that would permanently take all my pain away.

As I understand it, each surgery required that my ribs be separated far enough apart that a total of 3 hands could work inside me at the same time. All I know is that when I came out of the surgery I had about an 18 inch scar running up my back from one of my sides, and a LOT of stiches. Pain does not come close to desribing what I felt. Agony was closer, but perhaps even it doesn’t do justice to what I was experiencing.

I think I was in ICU for about a week and began recovering from home for 3 more weeks before heading back for my second surgery. When it was done, I had about 36 inches of scars and stitches, and even more pain. While I was in the hospital the second time, there was no position I could be in that didn’t involve laying on stitches and/or vital tubing, and incredible pain.

Just about the point at which I didn’t think things could become worse, they did.

A nurse turned me on my side that had just been operated on so that I was laying on my wound, stitches, newly separated ribs. Despite my strong protests, propped me up and wedged me in so that I couldn’t move. Then she ignored me and my whispered pleas for the rest of her shift. I was in so much pain and had so litle lung capacity that whispering was the best I could do. I was reduced to wimpering and tears.

Then an angel of mercy arrived in the form of a young male nurse in an era when that was still somewhat of a rarity. He took one look at me, and a look of compassion came over him as he immediately helped get me into a less painful position.

It might have been a simple act of mercy and kindness for him–one that he probably forgot soon later–but his kind act remains warm in my memory and heart three and a half decades later.

To that wonderful nurse, and all others like him, thank you for all you do to help ease pain and sufferring, and for making my world a better place.

Posted in Healing, Making the World a Better Place, True Stories I've Written | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

New Hope For Alzheimer’s Disease Victims and Their Loved Ones

Posted on June 7, 2012 by russtowne

I believe that one of the most terrible diseases is Alzheimer’s/Dementia because it robs people of an incredible gift and resource, their memories. I just saw an article that offers new hope for those afflicted and affected by it.

Here is a snippet:

“A study led by Karolinska Institutet reports for the first time the positive effects of an active vaccine against Alzheimer’s disease. The new vaccine, CAD106, can prove a breakthrough in the search for a cure for this seriously debilitating dementia disease.”

Alzheimer’s vaccine trial a success

http://tinyurl.com/87yw3rx

Posted in Healing, Making the World a Better Place, Optimism | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Posted on June 7, 2012 by russtowne

As a writer I’m a strong believer in the power of words. This post from istopforsuffering is a good reminder. I hope you enjoy it as I did.
Russ

istopforsuffering's avataristopforsuffering

Watch your words

Today, become aware of what you say as you say it.

Which words do you habitually use?

These words offer a clear insight into your state of mind, and how you are projecting yourself (and therefore how others see you).

How often do you use negative statements such as “I’m not sure” or “I don’t know”, or “I hate…”.

Simply noticing which words you are using is the first step towards thinking and acting more in line with your intentions.

And also adds to your sense of wisdom.

 

Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill.
Buddha

Image

View original post

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment