Making Dreams Come True & All the Fears & Shadows That are Coming Up For Me

A big part of my dream of bringing my first two children’s books to life and into the hands of young children and their loved ones was to give my friends and loved ones from various communities the opportunity to participate in the process.

It would have been far easier–though perhaps a bit slower–for me just to do it myself.

Asking for help and support was–IS–scary for me. It brings up many old shadows around abandonment, worthiness, shame, asking for help, rejection, self-reliance, and more.

That too was part of the reason I’ve asked for help. I need to keep moving through such fears and barriers.

And I’ve certainly run smack dab into all of them. We’re only three days into this project and there have already been many times that I wished I’d simply done it all myself.

With the amount of work I’ve done on myself and the huge amount of love and support that I have in so many areas of my life, it still amazes me as to how deep, powerful, and entrenched my shadows and doubts are around such things.

One of the best compliments I’ve received about my blogging efforts went something along the lines of, “Russ gives without asking for anything in return.” I often think about that comment. And am proud of it. I have now crossed that line and it is no longer true. That greatly saddens me.

Concerns have even arisen within me as to whether there might be some form of “testing” of friendships and relationships going on. I hate such tests (and I very rarely use the word “hate”.) I don’t like it when someone tests my friendship, and I sure as heck wouldn’t want to be doing it to others.

Testing friendships certainly wasn’t a conscious part of my dream to offer my friends and other loved ones the opportunity to help me. But can I honestly say there isn’t an element of testing going on? I hope there isn’t. If there is I’d ask people not to support me as I don’t like to see poor behavior rewarded. I don’t know. And THAT BOTHERS ME A LOT.

What I know for certain is that I am very grateful to and for the friends and loved ones and readers of my blogs who have made generous financial pledges toward making these dreams come true. Your kindness and generosity are indeed making this the community effort I’d hoped it would become. (And thanks to a pledge I received today, it is becoming a global community effort.)

Three days into this project, pledges for 19% of the minimum funding target have been reached. On the strength of those results, I’ve just requested two more illustrations be created for “Clyde and I” and the storyboard be developed for “Rusty Bear and Thomas, Too”.

With the conflicting feelings I have about all of this right now, two are bubbling up especially strongly, so I’ll sign off with them. Perhaps you have seen me mention them a time or two before. ;-D!

Thank you!

Love,
Russ

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About russtowne

My wife and I have been married since 1979. We have 3 adult children and 4 young grandsons. I manage a wealth management firm I founded in 2003. My Beloved is a Special Education teacher for Kindergartners and First Graders. I'm a published author of 23 books in a variety of genres for grownups and children. In addition to my family, friends, investing, and writing, my passions include reading, watching classic movies, experiencing waves crashing on rocky shores, hiking in ancient redwood forests, and enjoying our small redwood grove and fern garden.
This entry was posted in Challenges, Choices, Dreams, Fear, Feelings/Emotions, Following Your Passion, Friendship, Gratitude, Project Updates for Children's Stories/Poems I Wrote, Regret, Teamwork and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to Making Dreams Come True & All the Fears & Shadows That are Coming Up For Me

  1. Whatever doubts creep to the surface remind yourself that what you are doing is number one…what you want to be doing and secondly is a wonderful project to help children and thirdly… whether or not people give to promote this work they definitely believe in you and your intentions… Diane

  2. It maybe a bit scary but the end result should be something amazing

  3. utesmile says:

    The road to get to your goal might be not that easy but persevere and don’t be afraid to ask for help. It will be all worth it in the end!

  4. Thank you for your honest sharing of some of the challenges you’re going through with this process. I too struggle with the challenge of wanting to do things myself, and have a hard time ‘delegating’ or giving away responsibilities of a project to others. But I’m working on it! I feel your wonderful project is meant to be a community project, with many working together. Good luck! May it all work out soon.
    Best wishes, Gina

    • russtowne says:

      Thank you, Gina. I just saw this comment of July 4th or I’d have replied much sooner. I appreciate your friendship and support.

      Big hugs,
      Russ

  5. Oh no no no. Russ no test! People love you—believe in you–ergo they support! i am so pleased and proud you have reached nearly one fifth of your goal. You’ll be sharing bear and giraffes in no time, at this rate!

    • russtowne says:

      Thank you for your heart-warming comment! I believe in these books and am mostly glad that I gave readers and followers the opportunity to help bring these books to life by making a pledge. One person from my blogging community actually took me up on the opportunity. I am grateful that they did. I have learned much from my request and the community’s response to it.

      Russ

  6. Ann Koplow says:

    I’m so glad you discovered my blog, especially since now I’ve discovered yours. I really appreciate all you wrote here. Thanks for all of it, Ann

  7. Kristi says:

    I don’t know how come I’m seeing this post first now. Sorry! Been little absent from blogsphere. Thanks for sharing the process and the fears, something I too am familiar with. Looking for the link to your children’s book and your another blog?

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