I’ve got a confession to make. I’m not proud of it. It is about how I’ve shown up–or NOT–for most of my life.
For example, I know at the logical level that by the time one reaches adulthood many people believe thr acknowledgment of birthdays should not be expected. I’m not one of them.
There was a time–perhaps as late as last year–when having a birthday was bittersweet to me at best. Not because of aging–I’ve found that each age has brought new gifts and understanding along with the stuff that people tend to not like about aging, so getting older has never bothered me. Perhaps it will some day, but not yet, and I’m grateful for that too.
No, the reason birthdays have been bittersweet has had to do with how few people even noticed that I was having one. I realize that this is all about my ego, and that ego is toxic to relationships, but it is my truth. Other than my immdediate family and usually a couple or few others, no one noticed. And that stung. I’m not saying that it should have stung, just that it did. Even all or nearly all of my siblings forgot.
I now know that this was far more about how I showed up in my relationships with them and other people than it was about awhat they did or didn’t do. In some ways that knowledge stings all the more. I would have preferred to have been much more mature (no pun intended) about the whole birthday thing, but I wasn’t, and I paid a price for it.
Then I began blogging in earnest in the last perhaps six months or so and sharing far more about myself, making myself more vulnerable.
And several miracles happened. I was accepted. Heck, I was downright showered with love. Your love. You all have honored me in wonderful ways and I’m very grateful. Thank YOU!
Interestingly to me, it wasn’t just in the blogosphere. While it doesn’t feel like I’ve changed at all outside the blogosphere, blogging must have brought recognizable changes to my other relationships too, because while very few people who know me read my blog–and I’m perfectly OK with that–all of a sudden this year I’ve been over overwhelmed–IN A GOOD WAY–with birthday greetings and wishes.
What has been especially stunning to me is that several times as many people in organizations and communities that I’ve been involved with for 10 or more years are all wishing me a happy birthday this year versus even last year.
I’m extremely grateful that so many people this year are taking the time to acknowledge me in such wonderful ways.
I believe the catalyst has been YOU. Your love, acceptance, encouragement, and support. Thank YOU for helping to make this birthday a miraculous and transformational one for me. I’m humbled and honored.