As I’ve been writing my book, many memories have come to me. Some are funny, some are sweet, and, as in the story below, some are bittersweet indeed.
An Unbreakable Bond
I frequently write (the old-fashioned pen-and-ink kind) to a man who in many ways is about as different from me as two people can be. He got involved with drugs at a young age and began hanging with the wrong crowd. He got addicted to meth and no matter how hard he tried he could not beat the addiction for long.
He is a rule breaker and kept thinking he’d be able to beat the system. He often did—for a while.
He became a bodyguard—they call the job personal security now—and was a very intimidating and effective one at that.
He is a BIG man. His neck is quite a bit wider than his very wide head, and he is built like the stump of a very large redwood tree.
Let’s just say that I wouldn’t want to meet someone that looked like him in a dark alley—even with two or three of my friends. He could easily break me in half with his two huge hands.
He has done things that I would never dream of doing.
I first met him about 9 years ago in workshop for men. The group was quite diverse and from all walks of life. Still, this big hulk of a man with the very intimidating exterior stood out.
But it wasn’t his exterior appearance that struck me. His eyes told me about his heart and spirit. I could tell even then that trapped inside him was also a very different person than he allowed most of the world to see.
We spoke a little one-on-one that weekend. He’d spent most of his adulthood behind bars and was trying hard to kick the drugs and stay out of trouble. He could tell immediately that my view of life and way of living was very different than his.
One day several months later he called and said he’d like to meet with me. When I arrived, he handed to me a thick and heavy file folder crammed full of official documents. As he did, he said that he’d never shown these files to anyone but he wanted me to know everything he’d done, and he wanted me to hear it directly from the prosecutors themselves.
Inside were copies of the trials and of his many convictions–including one for attempted murder on a police officer. He asked me to read it. I said I didn’t need to do that because I already knew the man he was—the good, and the parts he wasn’t proud of. He pleaded with me to read it anyway.
I took the file home and it took a long time to get through. He had indeed done many bad things and several violent ones too, but he never had committed a crime with a gun and it was not him who had fired at the police officers. I’m not making excuses for him–he was in the car when the shots were fired and that’s good enough for a conviction. In fact, he was the driver of the car and when a motorcycle cop tried to pull him over he did so and raised his hands. Unfortunately, his passenger was a wanted drug dealer and pulled out a gun and started shooting at the cops and threatened to shoot him if he didn’t speed away.
They were caught.
And convicted.
When I handed the file back to him, I thanked him for honoring me by sharing it and said that it changed nothing in my mind about him.
Several months went by.
He worked hard to stay off the drugs, keep a job, and stay out of trouble.
Once, out of the blue in front of about 50 men, he stepped into our circle.
Everyone stopped and turned toward him.
He pointed at me and said words that sent a chill down my spine:
“I would take a bullet for that man.”
There was deathly silence. I don’t think anyone doubted his words.
No one was more shocked or surprised than I.
I just stood there, not knowing what to say or how to respond.
I’ll never forget that moment.
He is also a creative man and an amazing artist.
He lovingly landscaped the yards of the home he and his girlfriend lived in.
He and his girlfriend, and My Beloved and I all became friends.
He got a job in the construction trade and worked very hard to keep it. He even was named foreman on a sizable project.
He and I actually didn’t see each other all that much one-on-one. When we were together we were such different people and had such different interests that we quickly ran out of things to talk about.
But we had an unspoken and unbreakable bond between us.
He once told me that every night he had a nightmare. And it is always the same. In it, he’s walking along a street and sees a big dark deep hole in front of him. He tries to avoid it but no matter what he does he falls into it. Panicked, he throws his arms out to stop his fall, scratching desperately with his fingers to pull himself up and out, until his fingernails and fingers are shredded, but still—-and always—-the hole swallows him.
I often think of that story and the hellish existence it reflects.
He occasionally brought up “what ifs”. It was important to him that if he again got beaten by his meth addiction that he not in any way drag me down with him.
He knew that in my profession reputation is everything, and he knew and loved my family and didn’t want anything he did to hurt any of us.
I thanked him for his concern and laid out ground rules. I said that if he slipped and the cops were after him that he was not to contact my family or come to my house. That I wouldn’t hide him if he was on the lam because I’d worked my whole life to stay on the right side of the law and I would not put my family or myself at risk to protect him if the cops were after him.
He looked me in the eyes and agreed to the terms of our friendship. I could tell that he was taking a sacred vow that he would die before breaking.
We both knew that the cops would use a lot of force to take him down, and based on his “priors” had good reason to fear him. I did say that if he called me I’d try to arrange a surrender in such a way that he’d be unharmed.
Other than that, I made no promises to him nor did he expect any.
Many people with drug addictions tell lies, break promises, borrow money and never repay it, steal, and hurt those they love. He was addicted in the worst possible way, and did indeed do many of those things.
But never to me.
Only once did he borrow money from me. Handing it to him, I truthfully told him that I needed it for my house payment at the end of the month. I knew that it would be repaid in time.
He worked hard on his job working a lot of extra hours and repaid the money before my house payment became due.
He never once betrayed my trust. Something in his eyes the first time we met told me that he never would.
Some months later, the drugs got the best of him. He soon ran out of money and began breaking the law again. He almost got caught and was identified at the scene of a crime, and was on the run for several days, breaking more laws along the way.
Although he lived about 35 minutes’ drive away from me, he got caught just two blocks from my home where he’d apparently been holed up for quite a while. I believe that he wanted to be close but refused to break his pledge to me and put my family at risk.
He had to be taken to a hospital from the wounds the police batons and police dog inflicted on him when he was arrested. His head still has huge and ugly scars from the incident.
The legal proceedings lasted for about two years. I visited him in jail, and we wrote letters to each other. I was at all but one of his many court proceedings in the various jurisdictions—-and would have been at that one but his mom had forgotten to tell me about it.
I sure got an eyeful of the justice system and how it can be manipulated. The system bent over backwards to be fair and just.
He was sentenced to life in prison with no possibility of parole.
He was moved to a prison quite far away, and a number of years have gone by, but I still write to him perhaps a dozen times a year.
Although it has never been discussed, he and I both know that I always will.
That’s the least I can do for a man who would take a bullet for me.
With Love,
Russ
Russ Towne's A Grateful Man 
Russ, thank you for sharing this story. It speaks volumes about your character. I am glad that you saw the real person and have continued to stay in communication with him, despite his setbacks. You probably are the greatest inspiration towards staying alive and trying to improve (even though incarcerated) that this guy has. Drug addiction can be very vicious.
My daughter also had a serious drug addiction (eight years on meth), one that eventually forced me to tell her that I couldn’t see her until she decided to quit the drugs. Fortunately, about a year later she made that choice which included incarceration, drug rehab programs (live-in and half way house). Interestingly enough, about the same time she was making some personal changes in her life, I was addressing mine as well. By the time she was allowed to have visitors we were both open to fully repairing our relationship.
In her group session of about forty people, she admitted that she felt guilty about using drugs because she didn’t have the wrecked life that a lot of others had and that her parents did everything to help her, including opening a school. All she ever really wanted was to feel loved for being who she was. Now, admittedly, I had very high expectations and she felt that she couldn’t live up to them. My life changes included, seeing the rightness in others, being warm and affectionate, which I had not been. We both had the right combination of changes at the right time.
She has been drug free for seven years. Since then she has gone back to school, having dropped out before high school. She has an AA with honors and is working on her BA. She has a wonderful son, full of energy and fearless…who will give her a run for her money. But she is an awesome mom and he is the happiest kid. I’m not sure that I could have won this fight without him. A lot of her reason for staying clean was for her son and then continuing to stay clean was to ensure that she never lost him.
My point in sharing this is that your book and quotes listed on your blog and today’s post exemplify the change in characteristic in my life that helped me to salvage a ruined relationship and turn it back into the wonderful one that I had when she was a little girl. I am so thrilled to see her growing into the young lady that she has become. Love is a powerful tool. Unconditional love can erase years of pain instantly…and there were many years when I was sure I had lost her to drugs. But this power to love and heal can only work if it is sent out for others to receive. You can feel it in your head all you want but it will go thousands of times further if you say it out loud…that’s when it really counts.
Thank you for sharing your powerful story, Mrs. P. I couldn’t agree more, and am very happy to hear that your daughter and you pulled together and between the two of you and your grandson, she was able to move on with her life drug-free. The real drug war is between each person addicted to them and the drugs themselves. Sadly, way too often the drugs win. It is terrific to hear stories where the person wins. Congratulations and best wishes to all of you!
Russ
wow Russ…. what a story
Thank you, Bill.
I am humbled and silenced and overcome. What beauty and sorrow.
This story reminds me that there is so much that lies beneath the surface of all of us. Dreams. Pain. Beauty. Scars. Love. Demons.
Thank you for your comment and connection, Mimi.
Russ
First please delete this reply once you read it ~ you need to fix your title.
Thank you, Misifusa, for bringing my error to my attention and doing so in a gracious way. What? You’ve never heard of an “Unbeakable Bond” before? I thought everyone knew that unbeakable bonds were those that don’t fit into birds beaks or beakers… ;-D!
You always make me giggle Russ ~ I kinda (is this a real word?) liked Unbeakable…it made me think of your last book ~ it is original and thought provoking…just like You!
Wow! So many compliments in one comment. I’m going to just sit here for a moment and take them all in! Thank you, Misifusa.
Russ
Enjoy ~ they are well-deserved. 🙂
Russ, I am always in awe of people who can see the whole picture and still know in their hearts the good in others. To acknowledge that good you’ve seen in him is a gift, a talent and a lifelong habit which is grown by continuing to exercise it. Everyone always needs to have someone who believes in him. It’s like the starfish story, it matters to him that you continue to believe in him and the good you’ve done simply by being that person who took the time to see beyond the ugly scars, the deeds etc, makes a world of difference in his life. I know this because I have seen it happen myself. It’s a blessing that you have this ability and I am so honored that you’ve shared his/your story. I have seen the good in others as well and been blessed with those relationships that defy other people’s understanding and I have stood my ground, knowing in my heart what resides in the hearts of others when it wasn’t very apparent. I am again awed by how you and I have connections like these ~ and I am grateful to know that there are others who just know the good when good is hard to find. Stay in touch with your friend. He needs your special brand of Russ-ness in his life. ♥
I’m touched by your comments, Misifusa. Deeply. Thank you. I’m glad that you too have found the gifts that come from having people in your life who on the surface may look somewhat less than desirable as possible friends. You said it so well: “…blessed with those relationships that defy other people’s understanding…”. May those blessings continue to flow.
Russ
May those blessings continue to flow for us both and perhaps expand for others as well! 🙂
May they indeed!
What a story, what a bond, so glad you still write to him, he needs and appreciates that.
Thank you, Ute.
It is strange how we can have nothing in common for the most part with someone and yet there is that connection that says …this relationship means something…. There is something that one cannot put a finger on… something beneath the surface. I have such a relationship … and there definitely are certain places we do not discuss/argue about… We simply speak or in this case ‘write’ about what we do have in common.. This man definitely respects you… and I think he knows you care …. Diane.
Thank you for your comment and insight, Diane. You are a blessing in my life.
Russ