In response to a recent post titled, “One Of My Heroes And A Quote That Helps To Explain Why”, a reader asked, “How do you do that–leave it (Ed. note: hatred, bitterness, anger) behind?

That is an excellent question. Here was my reply (edited):

When one realizes that hatred, bitterness, and anger, are too heavy a burden to bear, and can consume and destroy their life, spirit, soul, and future–and they truly get that down to their core–then it becomes a choice. Wanting to is not good enough. Neither is false forgiveness, nor the “I want to forgive but I can’t” approach.

Only true forgiveness, and moving on, is what it takes to break free from the internal chains and prisons that humans so often create for themselves.

I have been stuck in such places until I realized I was only hurting myself. I decided that I wanted to be happy and FREE of the terrible burdens of hatred, bitterness, and anger, more than I wanted and needed to CLING to my hatred, bitterness, and anger. I’d kept victimizing myself by running the same old stories over and over in my head and acting the part of the victim long after the purpetrators had moved on (and probably forgotten all about me in some cases.)

I chose to stop being a “victim” and start being a survivor. That mindset helped me a lot. It helped me to do one of the most wonderful things I’ve ever done FOR MYSELF. I forgave. Truly forgave. I found the gifts that each situation had given to me. Sometimes it took a long time to find or recognize them, but they were always there.

While my hatred and bitterness are gone (and hopefully will never return!), I still sometimes briefly get angry at the actions, attitudes, or words, of myself or others.

I’m not anger-free, just mostly anger-free. And the bouts of anger rarely last more than a few seconds or minutes. I’m still a work in progress, but considering where I started, I feel great about how far I’ve come.

Russ