The Other Side Of Me

I have received a number of great compliments from many of you lately and appreciate every single one of them. A lot. Thank you for taking time out of your day to brighten mine.

But there is another side of me that I want you to know. The small and petty side. The weak and selfish, impatient, disappointed, and angry side. The Stinking Thinking, Woe-Is-Me, nothing-is-good-enough side. I too often have an awful case of Baditude. I just made that word up (at least I don’t think I’ve ever heard it before), but it pretty accurately describes a side of me that wants to scowl and frown in the face of incredible blessings. A side that makes me not even want to be with me in those moments.

A side that my friends and family love me in spite of–and for which I’m eternally grateful. But a side that blog readers who’ve never met me–which is nearly all of you–may never see if I don’t share it with you too. I’m not sure as to all the reasons why this is important to me but I know that it is.

Perhaps it is partly because I’d feel like a phony if I was liked for only the best parts of me. Perhaps it is like a bazillionaire who seeks love but is never quite sure if the people in his life are there because of his or her wealth or because of who he or she truly is.

And while part of me says I shouldn’t care what others think, the truth is that I do. I care a lot. But I’d much rather risk having people dislike me for who I truly am than to have them like only a false vision of me.

The truth is that I’m humble, but I’m also arrogant and sometimes even vain. That I’m a hero and a coward. I have both great and petty thoughts. I sometimes think I’ve got life well in hand and sometimes think that I don’t have a clue. I’m generous and selfish. Wise and foolish. Proud and ashamed. I write to give and to get.

This hasn’t been an easy post for me to write, but it is perhaps one of the ones most important for me to have written.

Thank you for reading it.

About russtowne

I'm awed by the beauty of nature and the power of love and gratitude. Some of my favorite sensory experiences include waves crashing on rocky shores, waterways in ancient redwood and fern-filled forests, and rain. My wife and I have been married since 1979. We have 3 adult children and 5 grandchildren. I manage a wealth management firm that I founded in 2003. My Beloved is a Special Education teacher for Kindergartners and First Graders. I'm a published author of approximately 60 books in a variety of genres for grownups and children.
This entry was posted in Abundance, Courage, Friendship, Generosity, Gratitude, Growth/Learning, LIfe Lessons, Observations, Random Thoughts and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to The Other Side Of Me

  1. Gina says:

    Good for you! Honest and courageous. I love it. Thank you for bravely sharing from your depths… and I too have been thinking today about how I am not always the cheery insightful one that writes my inspiring posts. For those of us, like you and I, who cherish honesty, the best thing to do is to share the truth that is wanting to be written right out of us. Good on you. Gina

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s