I occasionally re-post a story so that newer readers to this site have a chance to catch up a bit on some of the ways I’ve made a fool of myself over the years. The story below is one of them.
Clueless!
I think that most people who know me probably think that I’m a reasonably intelligent man. My beloved wife knows better. Case in point:
Beloved and I got married when we were in our early 20′s, and right after our wedding ceremony we received a copy of what I thought was just a cute little souvenir certificate (mistake #1) of the wedding signed by the person officiating the ceremony and our two witnesses.
In my haste to begin our honeymoon I inadvertantly laid heavy luggage on top of the marriage certificate (mistake #2).
As we began unpacking at our destination, Beloved noticed the wrinkled and slightly torn marriage certificate and handed it to me. I should have taken closer notice as to the look on her face (mistake #3) and if I had, and if I’d had a functioning brain cell in my head I might have found a way to salvage the situation.
But that was not to be my fate–-the lack of brains and the lack of salvaging the situation. In fact I made the situation far worse.
I know that you are probably wondering as to how anyone could be that stupid, and even if someone was that stupid, how could they make it any worse, but trust me, if a problem can be made worse I’m usually the one to find a way to do it.
As Beloved handed the mangled document to me I figured it was too far gone to be saved (mistake #4) and that we could just buy another one from the state that would have equal sentimental value to my Beloved (mistake #5), so in front of her I began to finish ripping it the rest of the way in two (Mistake # 6, 7, 8, to infinity).
As I was mid-rip, she screamed: “STOP!!! What are you doing to our marriage certificate!?!?”
That’s not quite how either of us had dreamed our honeymoon would start.
If she had killed me right then, I doubt if a jury would have convicted her.
And to her credit she didn’t end the marriage right then and there. Or maybe it just proves she isn’t quite as bright as people think she is either!
Whatever the reason, I’m eternally grateful that she has hung in there with me for all these 33 years. It hasn’t always been easy, but it has rarely been boring!
And yes, we still have that original mangled 33-year old marriage certificate with a tear half way down it. It has gone through some tough times with us, but like our marriage, has always found the strength to stay together no matter what.
Russ
Russ Towne's A Grateful Man 
What a beautiful story! Isn’t it amazing how the incidents that seem so disastrous at the time end up being a well-loved tale that’s shared over and over? May you and your bride enjoy more many happy years together…
Thank you for your comment and blessing! Welcome to my humble internet home. The door is always open.
Russ
Great story! I’m sure you and your wife laugh about it often, now, even though it wasn’t so funny back then! Next year we hit 40 years, and I’m not so sure I even know where our marriage certificate is….. 🙂
Wow! Congratulations! 40 years! That’s a great way to keep a commitment! My parents just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary a couple of days ago.
Thank you for your kind comment. You’re right; it was decidedly UNfunny back then. She quickly got over it though.
Russ
The look on your wife’s face as you ripped the certificate up must have been a sight to behold…NOT… Diane
You’re right about that! She must have had the terrifying thought something along the lines of, “How could I ever have married this total idiot?!?!?” But she’s stuck now. Thankfully for me, there is a “no-returns” policy in our contract.
Russ
This is a classic story and one I’m sure your family and you and your dear wife get a kick out of now. That deserves a story as Lesson #1 Of Things Not To Do On Your Honeymoon! 🙂
LOL! I think My Beloved and I would agree that this story would rank very high on the list of things not to do on your honeymoon!
What a great story! I’m so glad you can laugh about it now.
Me too! And that I lived to tell about it. Thank you for your feedback!
Russ
Now this I enjoyed… been married 39 years and a few years back I was having a look at our old original certificate that has been through the mill… much like our marriage… when the good wife asked what I was looking at.. I told her I was looking for the expiry date… even after all these years it didn’t go down well, but then there’s nothing a good hug and a few kisses can’t repair..
LOL! I can relate all too well to saying something to My Beloved that needs to be repaired by good hugs and kisses! Welcome to my humble online home. The door is always open.
Russs