Pet Humor

With apologies to Bella and DiDi as I’m sure they NEVER do any of these things! ;-D!

A friend forworded this email to me. The author is unknown to me.

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes on the floor with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not mean that is suddenly your food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the top of the stairs is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It IS NOT necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. (Note from Russ: Duke and Sadie are notorious for taking up as much real estate as possible when they sleep.) I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space that you are taking up, is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat’s (rear end). I cannot stress this enough.

Russ

About russtowne

My wife and I have been married since 1979. We have 3 adult children and 5 grandchildren. I manage a wealth management firm that I founded in 2003. My Beloved is a Special Education teacher for Kindergartners and First Graders. I'm a published author of approximately 60 books in a variety of genres for grownups and children. In addition to my family, friends, investing, and writing, my passions include reading, watching classic movies, experiencing waves crashing on rocky shores, hiking in ancient redwood forests, and the beauty of kindness and nature.
This entry was posted in Dogs & Other Wonderful Creatures, Humor and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Pet Humor

  1. mimijk says:

    I’m laughing out loud…I really should stop that and just read this to my guys..

    • russtowne says:

      Or, you could just keep laughing out loud in front of them and make them crazy wondering what hilarious thing you are reading! ;-D! Thank you for your comment, Mimi.

      Russ

  2. So funny because it is so true…………

  3. Thanks for a good laugh…I can identify…Diane

  4. thoughtsfromanamericanwoman says:

    Yes, thanks for the good laugh…oh my how true that it is…. 😀

    • russtowne says:

      I know what you mean! The note could have been describing our dogs in various parts of it !One of our favorite scenes is seeing my dog Duke laying where I sleep with his head on my pillow and my Beloved’s dog Sadie doing the same where she sleeps. Thank you for your comment.

      Russ

  5. Rhonda says:

    Love this! And so true. Laughing is the order of the day.

  6. Thank you for the great giggle…we have 2 cats who do all of those things and more! 🙂

  7. Andrea Kelly says:

    Hahaha ah yes, the joys of pet ownership! I am very familiar with all of these things – thanks for the share and the laugh 🙂

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