I just finished writing a letter (the old-fashioned pen-and-ink kind) to a man who is about as different from me as two people can be. He got involved with drugs at a young age and began hanging with the wrong crowd. He got addicted to meth and no matter how hard he tried he could not beat the addiction for long.
He is a rule breaker and kept thinking he’d be able to beat the system. And he often did—for awhile. He became a bodyguard—they call the job personal security now—and was a very intimidating and effective one at that.
He is a BIG man. His neck is quite a bit wider than his very wide head, and he is built like the stump of a very large redwood tree.
Let’s just say that I wouldn’t want to meet someone that looked like him in a dark alley—even with two or three of my friends. He could easily break me in half with his two huge hands.
He has done things that I would never dream of doing. Society fears him and rightly so.
I first met him about 8 years ago in a group exercise in a weekend process with a group of men who were working on ourselves to become the kind of men we always wanted to be. The group was quite diverse and from all walks of life. Still, this big hulk of a man with the very intimidating exterior stood out.
But it wasn’t his exterior appearance that struck me. His eyes told me about his heart and spirit. I could tell even then that trapped inside him was also a very different person than he allowed most of the world to see.
We spoke a little one-on-one that weekend. He’d spent most of his adulthood behind bars and was trying hard to kick the drugs and stay out of trouble. He could tell immediately that my view of life and way of living was very different than his.
One day several months later he called and said he’d like to meet with me. When I arrived, he handed to me a thick and heavy file folder crammed full of official documents. As he did, he said that he’d never shown these files to anyone but he wanted me to know everything he’d done, and he wanted me to hear it directly from the prosecutors themselves.
Inside were copies of the trials and of his many convictions–including one for attempted murder on a police officer. He asked me to read it. I said I didn’t need to do that because I already knew the man he was—the good and the parts he wasn’t proud of. He pleaded with me to read it anyway.
I took the file home and it took a long time to get through. He had indeed done many bad things and several violent ones too, but he never had committed a crime with a gun and it was not him who had fired at the police officers. I’m not making excuses for him–he was in the car when the shots were fired and that’s good enough for a conviction. In fact, he was the driver of the car and when a motorcycle cop tried to pull him over he did so and raised his hands. Unfortunately, his passenger was a wanted drug dealer and pulled out a gun and started shooting at the cops and threatened to shoot him if he didn’t speed away. They were caught. And convicted.
When I handed the file back to him, I thanked him for honoring me by sharing it and said that it changed nothing in my mind about him.
Several months went by. He worked hard to stay off the drugs, keep a job, and stay out of trouble.
About once per year my men’s group selects a new leader. The night a new one was to be selected, and just as the process was about to begin, he stepped into our circle. Everyone stopped and turned toward him.
He pointed at me and said words that sent a chill down my spine:
“I would take a bullet for that man.”
There was deathly silence. No one doubted his words. The shock and surprise was palpable. No one was more shocked or surprised than I.
I just stood there, not knowing what to say or how to respond.
I’ll never forget that moment.
A few hours later I was selected as the leader of our men’s group.
He is a creative man and an amazing artist. He lovingly landscaped the yards of the home he and his girlfriend lived in.
His girlfriend, my Beloved, he, and I all became friends.
He got a job in the trades and worked very hard to keep it. He even was named foreman on a sizable project.
He and I actually didn’t see each other all that much one-on-one. When we were together we were such different people and had such different interests that we quickly ran out of things to talk about.
But we had an unspoken and unbreakable bond between us.
He once told me that every night he had a nightmare. And it is always the same. In it, he’s walking along a street and sees a big dark deep hole in front of him. He tries to avoid it but no matter what he does he falls into it. Panicked, he throws his arms out to stop his fall, scratching desperately with his fingers to pull himself up and out, until his fingernails and fingers are shredded, but still—-and always—-the hole swallows him.
He occasionally brought up “what ifs”. It was important to him that if he again got beaten by his meth addiction that he not in any way drag me down with him.
He knew that in my profession reputation is everything, and he knew and loved my family and didn’t want anything he did to hurt any of us.
I thanked him for his concern and laid out ground rules. I said that if he slipped and the cops were after him that he was not to contact my family or come to my house. That I wouldn’t hide him if he was on the lam because I’d worked my whole life to stay on the right side of the law and I would not put my family or myself at risk to protect him if the cops were after him.
He looked me in the eyes and agreed to the terms of our friendship. I could tell that he was taking a sacred vow that he would die before breaking.
We both knew that the cops would use a lot of force to take him down and based on his “priors” had good reason to fear him. I did say that if he called me I’d try to arrange a surrender in such a way that he’d be unharmed if I could do so. Other than that, I made no promises to him nor did he expect any.
Some months later, the drugs got the best of him. He ran out of money and began breaking the law again. He almost got caught and was identified at the scene of a crime, and was on the run for several days, breaking more laws along the way.
Although he lived about 35 minutes drive away from me, he got caught just two blocks from my home where he’d apparently been holed up for quite awhile. I believe that he wanted to be close but refused to break his pledge to me and put my family at risk.
He had to be taken to a hospital from the wounds the police batons and police dog inflicted on him when he was arrested. His head still has huge and ugly scars from the incident.
The legal proceedings lasted for about two years. I visited him in jail, and we wrote letters to each other. I was at all but one of his many court proceedings in the various jurisdictions—-and would have been at that one but his mom had forgotten to tell me about it.
I sure got an eyeful of the justice system and how it can be manipulated. The system bent over backwards to be fair and just.
He was sentenced to life in prison with no possibility of parole.
And if I hadn’t known him and had been on the jury I would have convicted him too.
He was moved to a prison quite far away, and a number of years have gone by, but I still write to him.
Although it has never been discussed, he and I both know that I always will.
That’s the least I can do for a man who would take a bullet for me.
Russ
Russ Towne's A Grateful Man 
A moving and powerful story, Russ. What a blessing you are to us and to your friend. You showed him kindness and compassion and while you weren’t able to help him overcome his demons (I suspect no one could), you are a light in his life. Thank you, Cathy
Thank you, Cathy. I’m grateful that you are a light in my life.
Russ
This just moved me. Dare I say you are a good man sir, not many people including me can do what you did and shame on my part. You believed in him even when he didn’t and showed him the kind side of humanity…unfortunately he couldn’t overcome but I am glad he met you and hope he can find true and lasting redemption soon. You are a fine inspiration…God bless you sir
Thank you, Boomie. Your comments touched me. I have indeed been blessed. Some of the many blessings I count are friends like you.
And him.
Drug addicts are often known for telling lies, breaking promises, borrowing money and never repaying (or stealing) it, and hurting those they love. He was addicted in the worst possible way, and did indeed tell lies, break promises, borrow or take money, and hurt those he loved.
But never to me.
Only once did he borrow money from me. Handing it to him, I truthfully told him that I needed it for my house payment at the end of the month. I knew that it would be repaid in time. He worked hard on his job working a lot of extra hours and repaid the money before my house payment became due.
He never once betrayed my trust. Something in his eyes the first time we met told me that he never would.
I value that in a friend.
As I value you, my friend.
Thank you!
Russ
What an amazing story! I feel honored just to have read it. I truly believe that we all are made from the same cloth. The beauty and light that I have found inside of myself can be found in each of us. What a beautiful story of you seeing that light in a man who had probably never had anyone truly see him before. That says volumes about the friend that you are. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for your kind and generous compliment. I love the name of your blog and plan to spend more time there.
Russ
thank you! And I too plan to spend more time here on your blog. Your stories are heart-warming and such a wonderful reminder of the love that still shines so brightly in this world.
Welcome! I hope that my posts are always of value to you and all readers and followers of this blog. I appreciate your commments!
Russ
We on the right side of the law often forget the humans and the human side on the other side. Thanks for reminding me. You are quite a guy, Russ!
Yes, there is always a story and sometimes the stories are heart-breaking. If all that a youngster has ever seen is modeling of terrible behaviors, the odds are very long that they will grow up and do anything differently.
It has been my experience dealing with hundreds of men in various trainings over the years that the toughest nuts to crack often have some of the biggest hearts. They develop a fierce persona to protect themselves from further pain.
When they go fierce and are met by fierce love, magic often occurs–a thing so beautiful that my eyes are filling up just thinking about it.
Russ
Hey Russ,
I read your story and was completely in awe of your friendship. I realized that your friend was a law breaker in a judicial sense, but I found him to be an honest man of the heart. I have learned in life, that we can only give what we have. Sometimes in an effort to rid oneself of the demons that plague them, they look for angels along the way. I believe that you were his angel along the way. It makes my heart glad that you are still his friend in spite of his incarceration. Take a bow!
Thank you, Kimberly. I appreciate your kind feedback.
I get as much as I give in my relationship with him and am grateful that he is in my life. I have learned much from him.
Russ
What an amazing story!! Thank you for sharing it. And thank you for seeing beyond the broken man to the soul within him. It only takes one person, some times just one act of kindness, to change a life. He may have slid back into his addiction and incarceration, but perhaps, because of your friendship, he will know compassion. And that is a great gift.
Thank you, Andrea. He too has been a great gift in my life. He opened my eyes to a world I probably never would have experienced had it not been for him. I also got to see our justice system in action and have got to say that despite its many problems and innefficiencies, and no doubt occassional corruption and unfairness, I am impressed and proud of it. It has many flaws, and I’m sure that racial bias also plays a tragic role in some parts of the country, but where I live I saw fairness along with justice for people of all colors.
Russ
I can’t find the right words to express the beauty I see in this post, in your heart, and in his. This story is about love – true love at its finest.
Thank you for your wonderful comments, MoJo. I’m blessed to have you in my life!
Russ
Reblogged this on Momentum of Joy and commented:
This is a beautiful true story of love and kindness. I hope you take a moment to read Russ’ amazing entry. Simply beautiful.
Thank you, MoJo. I consider reblogging to be high praise for a post and I thank you for yours.
Russ.
What a great post love it, it was so moving and touching and just wonderful I really enjoyed reading this thank you. You are a truly great friend………..
http://jo-annemotherandnanna.blogspot.com.au/
Thank you for your kind and generous comments, Jo-Anne.
Russ
Russ, your story moved me to tears. I feel for this man and his struggles with his path in life. How wonderful that you two were brought together. Thank you for sharing!
Christina
Thank you for your kind compliment, Christina. I appreciate that you took the time to send it.
Russ
Very moving story of a very unusual friendship. I believe all of us have both sides in us, good and bad, some of us are just fortunate enough, or strong enough, to stay on the good side. Some of us can change the bad into good, but for some the bad will always hinder the good that shines through, to come out for real. It is wonderful, that people like you Russ, can at least see the good shine through, even though it can never entirely come out.
Thank you. Yes, I too believe that there is good and bad in all of us. And some things tend to bring out the good while others the bad. It is clear to me that meth falls into the latter category.
Russ
It is a great story but a sadness because of how your friend ended up in prison. Drugs it seemed got hold of him and eventually took complete control. But I do believe it did not take control of his soul…He showed his innermost thoughts to you through the trust and respect he had for you. How he must cherish your friendship even where he finds himself now. I will pray for him that eventually he may even be released early and have a ‘new’ life. Diane
Thank you for your kind comment and for praying for him, Diane.
Russ
I have just witnessed God’s love – Blessings, Patty
Thank you for the wonderful compliment, Patty! Welcome!
Russ