The Dreaded Couch

A recent post mentioned a married couple sharing a bedroom and in a comment an internet friend said something about being married for 28 years and sharing the same bedroom all that time. That got me to thinking about an agreement that Beloved and I made many years ago:

When we get into disagreements, whoever is the angry party and doesn’t want to sleep in the same bed with their spouse is the one who sleeps on the couch. That has saved me a LOT of couch time! Which is a good thing because I’m about 2 feet too long for the couch!

It has also been an excellent motivator to help us to more quickly work through our disagreements!


About russtowne

My wife and I have been married since 1979. We have 3 adult children and 4 young grandsons. I manage a wealth management firm I founded in 2003. My Beloved is a Special Education teacher for Kindergartners and First Graders. I'm a published author of 23 books in a variety of genres for grownups and children. In addition to my family, friends, investing, and writing, my passions include reading, watching classic movies, experiencing waves crashing on rocky shores, hiking in ancient redwood forests, and enjoying our small redwood grove and fern garden.
This entry was posted in Anger, Choices, Family "Fun", Forgiveness, Growth/Learning, Humor, LIfe Lessons, True Stories I've Written and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to The Dreaded Couch

  1. boomiebol says:

    Ha ha a great way not to stay angry. I wouldn’t want to sleep on the couch either. Thanks for sharing

    • russtowne says:

      Hi, Boomie! After being married for so long I think Beloved kinda likes sleeping on the couch sometimes, but without the anger. Perhaps it has to do with the frightful sounds and smells that too often emanate from my side of the bed. When the “for better or for worse” part of our wedding vows were being spoken, I’m pretty sure that beloved wasn’t thinking about THAT kind of worse!

      I’ll bet that none of the female readers can relate to that! ;-D!


  2. It sounds like communication is key to your successful marriage.

    • russtowne says:

      Hi, Diana. Yes, communiction is a key part of it, as is mutual respect, encouraging each other to get together with our own gender at least once per week (i.e. Girl’s Night Out/Boy’s Night Out–if we have a place to vent outside our home we’re much less likely to feel the need to vent inside it), focusing on improving ourselves and our relationship instead of each other, shared values about all the stuff that is important to us (such as how to raise and discipline our children), agreements regarding money and budgeting (that took a LONG time to work out and was the source of a lot of disagreements over the years), fidelity, and trust. They weren’t listed in order of importance just in the order I thought of them. The last two are at the end because they are so much of a given in our home that I almost forgot to list them.


  3. Jo-Anne says:

    I have never made hubby sleep on the couch but he does spend a lot of bloody time sleeping in his arm chair, yes he falls asleep watching tv every single night and I just turn everything off and go to bed and leave him there……….now for us fighting well we don’t fight but when we were younger and having a tiff I would just tell him to make sure he stayed on his side of the bed………..
    then I would turn my back on him and go to sleep…………

    However he use to complain about my snoring a lot and I would tell him if he didn’t like it he could sleep somewhere else as it wasn’t bothering me………lol

  4. Andrea Kelly says:

    Ha ha, that’s a great way to do it!

    • russtowne says:

      Thank you, Andrea. It’s working like a charm so far! I’m never so angry that an endless night on the couch looks appealing to me. I don’t think I’ve slept on the couch once since I proposed the arrangement probably 25 years ago. (I wonder what took me so long!)

      Most of my anger is over in seconds and is usually something as silly as dropping a pencil when I have my hands full–and I think a high percentage of that is due to some medicine I’m taking.

      Beloved and I are rarely angry with each other, and when we are, the anger usually only lasts a few minutes. An hour or two at most.

      That isn’t how we started out. We’d have feuds that lasted for days. We finally figured out how silly that was. I wish we’d have figured it out about 10 years sooner! Better late than never I guess!


  5. Rhonda says:

    Russ…a 30 year veteran here. Early on, when we were young and idealistic, the deal was no going to bed angry. We were both very passionate people, he cuban/me french, and arguing or ‘heated banter’ was commonplace (oh heck, to be fair, I was the arguer…he was always slower to burn (that has since changed ;). Anyway, we always made it a point to resolve or agree to disagree before it was time to hit the sheets. As we grew older, had kids, fought the good fight over budgets and !stuff!, we did come to a place of peace, without even realizing it. We still have heated banter and we still argue, but we laugh more in the middle of it and even going to bed w/unresolved issues does not usually result in another round the next day. It’s a freeing thing. Now…about your ‘other’ issue….holy cow, yes. I’d say we can both relate. He, lovingly referred to as Stinky and I equally as Snorey. So…here we are, two halves of the same…balance in all things yes?

    • russtowne says:

      Hi, Rhonda. Thirty years married to the same spouse is quite an accomplishment–especially since the two of you still like and love each other! Congratulations! So much of what you described over the years has also occurred with us. I guess some things are just part of the natural evolution of many couples! Thank you for your comment and sharing your stories. Your last few sentences cracked me up! They were a good way to start my day!

      Thank you!


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