A Tax Funny

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I rarely use the words “tax and “funny” together in the same phrase or title, but in the case of the joke below it seemed fitting. By the way, good luck with your taxes this year. May the total you owe be a pleasant surprise. (Sadly, if so, you’re pleasant result would be the exact opposite of that of everyone else I’ve heard from.)

“The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.  The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling.  I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”
“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Grandpa.  “How about a demonstration?”
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, “Okay. Go ahead.”
Grandpa says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”
The auditor thinks a moment and says, “It’s a bet.”
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor’s jaw drops.
Grandpa says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness.  He starts to get nervous.
“Want to go double or nothing?” Grandpa asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, throw that full glass of water into the wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands on the desk and takes careful aim, but when he throws the glass, water covers the man’s desk, jacket, briefcase, and everything around it.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa’s own attorney starts crying and puts his head in his hands.
“Are you okay?” the auditor asks.
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“Not really,” says the attorney.  “This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and throw water all over your office and that you’d be happy about it!”
[forwarded by Jerry Lambert]

 

Photo credit: Tom Doefler

Joke Credit: http://www.mikeysFunnies.com

With love,

Russ

 

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About russtowne

My wife and I have been married since 1979. We have 3 adult children and 4 young grandsons. I manage a wealth management firm I founded in 2003. My Beloved is a Special Education teacher for Kindergartners and First Graders. I'm a published author of 23 books in a variety of genres for grownups and children. In addition to my family, friends, investing, and writing, my passions include reading, watching classic movies, experiencing waves crashing on rocky shores, hiking in ancient redwood forests, and enjoying our small redwood grove and fern garden.
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