Which Do You Prefer?

For one of my children’s stories, V.G. and Me, I’m debating between using the following two formats. I’d greatly appreciate your opinion as to which of the two options below you prefer. Which feels easier and more fun to read, is smoother flowing, and more rhythmic?

Thank you!

With Love,

Russ

 

Option 1:

I walked toward a distant shore

I always wanted to explore.

When I was nearly halfway there,

I had a really scary scare.

As I watched a butterfly

Flutter by in the sky,

I tripped into a prickly bush

With thorns so sharp, they hurt my tush!

Or:

 

Option 2:

I walked toward

A distant shore

I always wanted

To explore.

When I was nearly

Halfway there,

I had a really

Scary scare.

As I watched

A butterfly

Flutter by

In the sky,

I fell into

A prickly bush

With thorns so sharp

They hurt my tush!

 

 

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About russtowne

My wife and I have been married since 1979. We have 3 adult children and 4 young grandsons. I manage a wealth management firm I founded in 2003. My Beloved is a Special Education teacher for Kindergartners and First Graders. I'm a published author of 23 books in a variety of genres for grownups and children. In addition to my family, friends, investing, and writing, my passions include reading, watching classic movies, experiencing waves crashing on rocky shores, hiking in ancient redwood forests, and enjoying our small redwood grove and fern garden.
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31 Responses to Which Do You Prefer?

  1. I prefer the first one. 🙂

  2. quiall says:

    I agree I like the first one.

    • russtowne says:

      Thank you, Quiall. So far, it is leading by a 3:2 margin (2-0 in blog). If most of the people providing feedback like option 1, I plan to switch back to it, and do the same with another story under development.
      Russ

  3. I like option one… I think option two breaks up the flow… Diane

  4. ha, I like the second one! Now if you can write it in the shape of a butterfly…. ❤
    Diana xo

  5. I prefer the first one, too. And it might just be me, but I’d also have a lowercase ‘f’ on flutter and the ‘w’ of with, so that it flows seamlessly. Great poem 🙂

  6. Joan says:

    I prefer the first one- Best, Joan

  7. I love the first one Russ. It ‘felt’ right.

  8. Val Boyko says:

    For children .. I would go with the first one. The rhythm is fun!

  9. Dennis Madden says:

    Hi Russ,

    Option 1 reads easier for me. Have a great day.
    Sincerely,

    Dennis Madden

  10. varsh says:

    Thanks for asking our opinion.

    How much do we rely in our life for the child in us?! The child in me loved reading it the second way. 🙂

  11. Heatherlee says:

    Hi Russ.
    I read them both and here is my take. The reading flows very well with number one, however, in option 2 the shape is very interesting. If it is for kids, they may like the short lines, and be drawn in for the shape of the story. I like the vase like shape, but maybe I am kinda kid like too.
    It is a cute poem nonetheless.
    Hugs.
    HH

    • russtowne says:

      Thank you, Heatherlee! Good points. Maybe, part of me is also still a kid at heart as I too like the shapes created by the shorter lines in option 2.
      Hugs,
      Russ

  12. Mrs. P says:

    Not surprisingly, I didn’t go with the majority…for many of the same reasons Heather mentioned. I like option 2.

  13. ksbeth says:

    sorry, russ. i fell behind in my reading, but i’d go with number 1 if it were me. –

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