Love and Sacrifice

In a comment to my most recent post, titled “Blindness”, a reader asked some great questions about what my thoughts were on the underlying message of the story and whether complete sacrifice equaled true love. I thought some of you might have interest in my reply:

Some of the underlying messages for me included:

If one sees with their eyes but not their heart, they are still blind.

Sometimes one can fall in love with someone whose heart is not able to reciprocate.

It can be painful and one can lose some of the best parts of themselves if they fall in love with someone who doesn’t have true love for them.

It is wise to grow in love with someone whose heart is ready and able to love them back just as passionately and faithfully.

As for your question regarding sacrifice and true love: I believe that true love doesn’t have to involve sacrifice at all (or loss that is greater than gain). For example, I only want one thing for everyone I love: Lasting joy. Hopefully, I’m a part of their lasting joy, but if I’m not, then it is best for them–and ultimately for me–to not be in their lives. I can’t imagine that true love would ever want anything different than that.

I believe there is a big difference between investing in the relationship (a gift one gives themselves as well as the other(s) in that relationship), and sacrificing for the other person. Resentment can set in and the relationship can be hurt if one focuses on the latter, and the latter will often result in winners and losers–and sometimes only losers. To me, the best chance of achieving a happy outcome for everyone is when everyone focuses on strengthening the relationship.

I don’t believe that love is blind. True love helps us to simply focus on the best parts of others, and to stay connected to the best parts of ourselves.

With Love,
Russ

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About russtowne

My wife and I have been married since 1979. We have 3 adult children and 4 young grandsons. I manage a wealth management firm I founded in 2003. My Beloved is a Special Education teacher for Kindergartners and First Graders. I'm a published author of 23 books in a variety of genres for grownups and children. In addition to my family, friends, investing, and writing, my passions include reading, watching classic movies, experiencing waves crashing on rocky shores, hiking in ancient redwood forests, and enjoying our small redwood grove and fern garden.
This entry was posted in Love, Marriage, My Beliefs, Observations, Relationship Lessons Learned and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Love and Sacrifice

  1. Mrs. P says:

    You have made some excellent points regarding love and sacrifice! Just the word sacrifice clearly shows that joy cannot be attained.

    • russtowne says:

      Thank you for your comment and insight, Mrs. P. I too believe the word “sacrifice” implies a “giving up of”, a loss, or a cost, that may be indicative of an attitude or mindset that is unhelpful to maintaining or strengthening relationships and is likely to lead to resentment by one or more people in the relationship. My experience has been that those who “invest in relationships” rather than “sacrifice for partners” are far more likely to experience the outcome they seek. While some may believe the difference is mere semantics, I’ve found that the potential outcomes in relationships based on which way of thinking a person chooses to engage in can have a profoundly positive or negative impact on the relationship. I’ve done both, and have been much happier when I’ve refrained from sacrificing anything while investing much. For the record, this reply is not meant to be an indictment as to any approach people take in relationships. It is just my opinion. The person who asked the excellent questions that started this thread may share a similar opinion or have completely differing views on the subject, and my reply isn’t intended to indicate otherwise or that I believe one opinion is better than another.
      Russ

      • Mrs. P says:

        In my experience, when I invested in a relationship, I was creating it. When I felt like I had to sacrifice myself in a relationship, I was a victim. Investing had far greater positive effects for me. This is not limited to romantic relationships. This is also true in business situations, friendships and any other organization one might be part of…at least that was true for me. 🙂

  2. billgncs says:

    my first thought was…. he should have only given her one eye. We love, we help, we pray, but ultimately people must be responsible for their own healing, the healing of the body and the soul.
    In her case, what was injured was not the body so much as the soul.

  3. mimijk says:

    “What is essential is invisible to the eye” – St. Exupery

  4. Here Here ~ I HEARTily agree with you! ♥

  5. Ahmed says:

    this is very sophisticated, I need to give it another thought. wow

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