A Candle In Their Darkness

If there are people in your life who come to you only when they need you, perhaps it is because they view you as a candle when there is darkness.
(Paraphrased from something a friend recently shared in a public forum)

About russtowne

My wife and I have been married since 1979. We have 3 adult children and 4 young grandsons. I manage a wealth management firm I founded in 2003. My Beloved is a Special Education teacher for Kindergartners and First Graders. I'm a published author of 23 books in a variety of genres for grownups and children. In addition to my family, friends, investing, and writing, my passions include reading, watching classic movies, experiencing waves crashing on rocky shores, hiking in ancient redwood forests, and enjoying our small redwood grove and fern garden.
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18 Responses to A Candle In Their Darkness

  1. billgncs says:

    as long as they don’t view me as a safe deposit box, I guess it is ok.

    • russtowne says:

      LOL! I hear you. It is wise to avoid enabling leeches whenever possible.

      • billgncs says:

        I gladly lend once, and steel myself for it never being paid back, I tell myself it is a gift. If they pay it back, I will lend again if asked, but if not I won’t. Sometimes it is worth it to not be paid back, but have the problem solved.

        • russtowne says:

          I have some good friends who have the same philosophy as what you espoused. It is probably a wise one. Sometimes it is a cheap lesson that can save experiencing a more expensive one later. It is interesting and sad to me as to how little money some people require to betray their friends, loved ones, family, and their own word, integrity, and reputation.

          I take a different approach and have always been paid back despite giving out many loans (including quite a number to those who borrowed from others at the same time and repaid me but not the others.)

          When I give a loan to someone I look them in the eye and speak my truth, sometimes verbally, but most often not. There have been times when I’ve truthfully told others that I am giving to them the money I need for my next house payment. The loans were always repaid in time for me to pay that bill.

          The look in my eyes when I give a loan to someone tells them that it isn’t about the money–that it’s NEVER about the money. It is about our relationship and about my belief in them as a person who keeps their word. They know that I keep my word and that I view a person’s reputation, word, and integrity, as precious.

          And people who know me are also aware that I will unhesitantly give to them every dollar I carry in my wallet on a moment’s notice. They know I don’t use credit cards so I tend to have significant amounts of cash in it. They understand the reality and symbolism that I just gave them every dollar I have on my person and put their needs before my own. They get the message and have never betrayed me or our relationship.

          I suspect that in many cases I’m probably not one of the first people they ask for money, as the spiritual interest involved is fairly steep. ;-D!


  2. I suppose thats a different way of looking at the friend in need.

  3. camsgranny says:

    They may view me as the candle in the darkness, but how long do they have to stay in the dark?

  4. Rhonda says:

    I have friends and family members that I only hear from when they ‘need’ something, and it’s not always about money. My husband used to ask me why I continue to give to people who only take. I told him that if I cannot be there when they need me the most, what kind of friend am I. As for the ‘people who only take’…that is a matter of perception. For me, knowing they can come to me when they need that extra light does as much for me as it ever could for them. Those that perceive my willingness to give as gullible or easy, in my experience, are usually those that do not feel the same sense of peace that I do, nor do they ask for help when they need it, which is a sad state to be in. I also know that when I need the light, I have candles everywhere. The giving is the least I can do…it’s the being there that counts.

    • russtowne says:

      Thank you for your wonderful comments, Rhonda. “It’s the being their that counts” is wise and profound in addition to being loving, compassionate, and kind. I’m honored that you take time out of your life to read my blog, my friend. I have no doubt that you do indeed have candles everywhere, and that you have warmed many hearts and lightened many dark and heavy times with yours.


  5. JanBeek says:

    People who come to you only when they need you probably see you as a candle in their darkness. What a great thought!! Thank you, Russ, for letting the Son shine in ;o) I love your blog site!!

  6. mindfuldiary says:

    Never thought of it that way. That’s just a great way to view it.Will remember.

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