“Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.”
– Herman Hess

A friend shared the above quote on FB, and it triggered thoughts of times when I hung onto painful memories or situations more out of stubborness or habit than out of any positive reason to keep them:

Some that immediately came to mind were romantic relationship break-ups from before my marriage, a business I’d owned for 18 years and should have sold or closed years sooner than I did, and attempting to stay friends with those who had other plans or with whom I was in a toxic or detrimental relationship.

Since there were times in my life were I felt lonely and abandoned, I sometimes tended to hang on to relationships too long. I didn’t want anyone to feel what I’d felt in those dark years. But in those situations I often wasn’t helping the other person and was hurting myself. In some cases I even became an enabler that inadvertantly supported behavior that was hurting them as I thought I was helping.

I don’t want to give up an anybody. But, sadly, there are situations where it is simply best to move on. It helps to remind myself that there are three parts to a relationship: The other person, me, and the relationship itself.

When I focus on improving the relationship and myself, rather than the other person, I often find that the relationship improves, I am becoming ever closer to the other person, and my words, actions, and vision of the best me I can be are in alignment. And I know that brings lasting happiness to me.

Unofortunately, there are times when the relationship isn’t improving or is even becoming detrimental to the other person and/or me. When that happens and when looked at from this viewpoint, it is usually simple to see that the relationship or situation should be ended.

Please note that I said “simple” rather than “easy”. I’ve found it is often far from easy for me to end a relationship.

But I’ve learned that if I focus on the desire for long-term happiness of everyone in the relationship, then I’m much less likely to waste time and emotional energy blaming others or myself when a relationship ends.

And that helps me to find the strength to let go and move on.