There was a time when I hadn’t really thought through the relatively few things I must have to be happy in my relationships. The whole thing was kind of fuzzy to me. If I was asked the quetion on back-to-back days, the answers and the list of things would probably vary substantially and I often confused “Wants” with “Needs”.

That led to frustration and unhappiness not only for me but for those poor unfortunate souls with whom I was in relationship. If I didn’t really know what I must have in a relationship, how could anyone else know what I needed?

When I finally stopped to figure out what I must have in a relationship I was shocked to find out how hard it was for me to come up with a short and accurate list.

I learned that if an item on the list was really about the actions or inactions or attitudes of others in my relationships then it really wasn’t a “Must-Have” for me. My “Must Have” list needed to be indepenedent of the others in my relationships.

For examples: “She shouldn’t gossip, lie to me, cheat, drive badly” wouldn’t qualify for my “Must-Have” list, but these would:

“To be in a marriage in which I’m:

Trusted
Respected
Appreciated

and in which:

My physical needs are met.

Fidelity is a given.

I’ve found that if I truly know what my “Must-Haves” are and if I’m getting them in my relationships, then everything else shrinks in importance and I tend to be happy, content and fulfilled in them. I no longer really care what color paint we use, what flowers we plant, etc.

May inner peace and lasting happiness be yours.

Russ